The Un-politically Correct Captain Moroni

Could you imagine if Captain Moroni was running for President of the United States?  Last night I read an epistle he wrote to Ammoron, in response to Ammoron's request to exchange prisoners.  There were many men, women, and children of the Nephites who had been captured and held in Gid, and Ammoron was tired of supporting their lives with his provisions.  So he wanted to exchange.  Moroni responded to his request in a very interesting way.  The timing of reading this last night was quite interesting, as there is so much demand for political correctness in America at present that I suppose that our inability to speak pure undefiled truth will contaminate us by allowing the lack of honesty to muddle the waters.  They are certainly muddy, such that even those who are sure they have a generally vast understanding of truth find themselves confused as to what is truth and what the contortions of it are.

It's interesting to read the war chapters in Alma with this in mind.  There is no sugar coating of things.  It's also interesting to see how political parties in Mormonism use these verses as "proof-texts" to prove their points, but they are so bent on pointing fingers at their "opposition" that they forget that we are on the same side.  We all want peace.  

I've had it in mind for some time now to consider re-typing the Book of Mormon for enhanced readability for my children.  I considered exchanging the "ye's" for "you" and the "thee" and "thou" for "you" as well, simply so they could follow along and be more involved in the story.  They are young, so I suspect that they get easily distracted with the "ye olde English" style of speaking.  When reading Alma 54 in particular, I thought it would be quite stunning to see how boldly C. Moroni speaks, should we translate the lingo into modern day slang.  It is quite alarming to me, to see how boldly he speaks truth, and he does it with the intention of pulling down power and glory of men.  He doesn't give one crap about political parties.  In fact, he verbally tears them to shreds in a few chapters as well.  

So I'm going to give it a go at transposing Moroni's letter to Ammoron into 2015 slang.  I hope should Moroni be reading this from beyond the veil that it might meet his approval.  Hopefully it won't be a problem.   

"Attn: Ammoron, 

I've written (before) to you about this war you've waged against my people – or rather which your brother has waged against us.  You're obviously still determined to carry on his cause even after his death.  

I'd like to tell you about the justice of God, and the sword of his almighty wrath which is seriously hanging over you except you repent, and withdraw your people back to your own lands – or I should say, the land you possess in Nephi.

I'd tell you about God if I suspected you were capable of actually hearing what I'd like to tell you.  I'd speak of the horrors of hell which awaits to receive murderers like you and your brother, unless of course you repent and again, withdraw your people (and your intentions) back to your own lands.  But since you've once rejected all this, and keep on fighting against the Lord's people, I suspect you'll reject it again.

Just so you know, we're prepared to take you on.  In fact, unless you back off your people and their intentions from attacking us, you're going to pull down the wrath of God upon yourselves, despite your rejection of Him, and it will be to your complete annihilation.  

As God lives, our armies will come after you unless you back out.  You'll soon have your behinds kicked and will be decimated, because we'll keep our cities and our lands.  We'll keep our religion and the causes of God.  

Regardless, it's obvious to me that I'm wasting my time with you because it's obvious to me that you're a child of hell.  So I'm gonna wrap up this letter by letting you know that I'm not interested in exchanging prisoners with you unless you trade up one complete family unit of a man, his wife and children, for one prisoner.  These are the only conditions under which I'm willing to trade.  

If you're not willing to do this, I'm gonna round up my armies, and even arm our women and children, and will seriously come out against you and follow you even into your own lands, which ironically enough is the land of OUR first inheritance.  If that's what it comes down to, it's gonna be blood for blood, man.  Life for life.  I will kick your trash until you are completely destroyed from off the face of the earth.  I and my people are seriously infuriated over your incessant terrorism, and we have only sought to defend ourselves.  But if you keep on trying to kill us we will not relent in seeking to kill you, and we will seek to reclaim our land, even the land of our first inheritance which you currently claim as your own.    

That's it.  

Moroni
Senior Chief Captain
1-800-KICK-ARS"

Oddly enough, as I'm writing this some wild fear has come over me.  I have to wonder if translating the verses will kick off DHS monitors of the internet, and what might potentially go wrong, since there are a lot of hostile trigger words in here.  Don't you think?  Words like war, terrorism, murder, death, blood.  Moroni just did not sugar coat it!  He spoke of God, unapologetically.  He called the situation like it was.  Ammoron disagreed with him shortly after, and Moroni could not flinch when it came to knowing the truth.  Was he open minded?  Did he worry about his pride?  When Mormon abridges this record he states that if all men were like Moroni, the very powers of hell would be shaken not just for now, but for EVER.  For all time.  His behavior in defending his land and his people and his religion is honored by the prophet who both spoke with Christ and compiled this record.  It's something to be observed, and worth considering how to emulate him, especially in these trying times.  He was certainly fearless, especially when faced time and time again with war.  He knew in Whom he trusted, so there truly was no need to fear, although this did not negate his efforts to defend his people.

I know of a few folks out there who suggest it would be great if we would all lay down our weapons of war, and live in peace.  I'm all for it, and surely Moroni likely desired with all his heart for peace.  It is noteworthy to me, however, that despite the people of Anti-Nephi-Lehi living among the Nephites, there was still a need for them to make efforts to have a strong defense.  Even though they took great measures to protect themselves, the record states that just preceding these times, there had never been a happier time among the people of Nephi since the days when Nephi was alive (Alma 50:23).  They trusted so completely in the Lord, yet also did everything in their abilities to support God's protection of their lives, religion, and homes.

Two more tangents.

1. When I served as a missionary, my companion had a small figurine of Captain Moroni.  I've written about this before, but she would turn off the lights, and shine a flashlight on him, creating a larger than life shadow on the wall.  They she would quote scripture from him, where he calls out to Zerahemnah, as seen in this video below at about the 6:30 mark.  She was so funny! 

  2. This song by OneRepublic has been in my head all night.  My kids love it.  I believe that there is truth to be observed in the words.  "He said God only helps those who learn to help themselves.  He was a million _____ from a million dollars, but you could never spend his wealth."  It's interesting to sort this out while also revering the verses which command us to only trust in the Lord. 

Also noteworthy about this song is the bridge.  Pay attention to his words, his arms, and the repetitions.  It is praise.