Casting Out, Removing Fear, Reclaiming the Space

A few weeks ago I posted my thoughts on the recent policy change regarding children of a gay parent.  I deleted the post, due to my own free will and choice.  After doing so, I received quite a lengthy message from a sister in my ward, who felt it her responsibility to call me to repentance.  Understanding that she will likely be monitoring this page, I am using this post to dispel all fear that she sought to attach to me, whether consciously or unconsciously.  Sometimes people do that.  They think they are acting in love, when their sole intent is to cause you to live in the same fearful space that they are living in.  I cast that out.

I also cast out the spirit of condemnation, the spirit of judgment, the spirit of mockery, and the spirit of piousness.  I replace them with a spirit of acceptance, a spirit of mediation and intercession, a spirit of humility, and a spirit of love.  I cast the negative spirit entities to hell where they belong, or to a place of light where they may be taught.  As in all things, they get to choose where they dwell.  I invite the Holy Spirit of God to replace them on all counts.

This Facebook message is being shared not to drudge up memories or live in the past, but rather to declare that I stand firm with the Lord.  If the nobles at any earthly organization feel that I do not fit in with their standards, that is their choice.  I seek to be part of the Church of the Firstborn.  You should know that the Lord has warned that all earthly organizations will fall preceding His second coming.  If you suppose that one in which you belong is exempt, you don't believe the scriptures.

Posted November 9th, 2015, 10:41 pm:

I wish to apologize for my most recent post which some of you may have read. While I understood the contents of what I posted, I realize that my experience with Mormonism is much different than those who had read it, and my words interpreted as something completely separate than I intended.

I have no intention of leaving the Church, despite what was read, and despite my sheer difficultly in coming to terms with the change in the baptism policy. It is severely tempting, however I am using all the prayer and willpower to stick through looking at the faces of those who so clearly disagree with me, and approach me with intent to prove me wrong on a frequent basis. I would appreciate no one taking initiative to invite me to leave the church as I received today, as it is not only unwelcoming, but quite frankly, UNloving, un-Christlike, and pure evil. If you see stories of folks online suggesting that "Why don't you just leave if you disagree," you ought to take care with your words. We spend millions of tithe dollars to share the message we believe to be true, to bring people to Christ. Let's not be so hasty to shove people out the door because they have a different understanding of the gospel. Joseph Smith called that as being "trammeled". Google it and you'll find a great quote.

No one knows my story but me. I have been born of incredible parents who raised me faithfully in this religion. I attended 12 years of Primary, full attendance through the Youth program, 4 years of seminary, and 5 years of college religion courses at BYU, the church school. I served a mission, which was where I had a stark awakening to the church in the world of rural Pennsylvania where Mormons are less than 1/100% and a testimony meant more than social norms, vs the Church structure and operations in Utah where numbers and rules are everything, down to the way that you comb your hair or wash the mission car. No one knows my experiences, so please don't dare to tell me what you can only assume. You have no idea.

After my mission experience I married in the Washington DC temple. I quickly had children, as church leaders in UT encouraged all righteous members to do, and walked a road of faithful activity in this church ever since. In all I have had 37 years of faithful attendance, never being inactive, and magnifying my callings. For years I could even claim 100% visiting teaching. I do not say this to puff up my Molly Mormonism, but to indicate that you cannot get more "true blue, through and through" than I am.

Several years ago I experienced a vision of sorts, which caused great awakening in my life, and it caused me to seek understanding of what I saw. The current teaching of the church curriculum are limited to around 27 topics, and the topic of visions and dreams are not high on the list next to sharing the gospel or temple work. So I had to figure things out through much prayer, by digging into the scriptures, searching the words of early visionaries like Joseph Smith, Parley P Pratt, and Olivery Cowdery. My bookshelf is full of books of stories of early saints' experiences with the other side of the veil. No one wanted to talk to me about things, as they typically preferred talking about sports or the Walking Dead, so I devoured the scriptures and sought discussion with anyone who would listen, which was virtually no one, as the current understanding is that these things ought not be shared; they are too sacred.

In studying these things I learned fascinating things about our early church that I personally feel are important, yet we have changed such that very few understand or share my same beliefs. Most members do not have copies of the Joseph Smith papers or revelations and manuscripts on their shelves. Most people do not have a copy of the History of the Church, the Lectures on Faith, or other useful pieces at their fingertips. Please forgive me for forgetting that most have not dug through these things with the same reckless abandon in which I have. I should not have dared share my assessments with you, who really have no desire to even see a need for such studying. We are both free to focus on what we wish.

In closing, I ask one thing. Please do not think it appropriate of yourself to contact me to call me to repentance. If you believe that is your role, you are sorely in gross misunderstanding of the scriptures. If you cannot discuss church doctrine, history, or scripture you have no leg to stand on to insinuate that because my dogma varies from yours that it is incorrect. Do not attempt to insult my studies, my diligent prayer, or God's opening up of the mysteries of scripture to me because you can't be bothered to take time out of YOUR interests to do so. Do not insult me to call my exploration a frivolous hobby, a trite expression, or apostasy. Do not send me texts, gossip about me or my beliefs, or any other unChristlike thing. You are better than that. I believe Joseph Smith was and is a prophet, and I believe his words are unbelievably important, and unbelievably neglected. Despite my fervent belief in Joseph Smith's work, I recognize that he cannot save us, and that ONLY Jesus Christ, the Son of God, can do that, and HE is the righteous mediator between us and the Father, who is the righteous judge, and only one worthy to act in that role. It is through Christ's grace ALONE that we are saved. We are ants compared to His greatness. I am so sincerely sorry for thinking it my place to share my beliefs about the state of our church among those who have no idea of the ideas I have learned through my exploration, especially on Facebook.

With love,
~Jen

So you think you're Celestial Material?

So you've been married in the temple.  Or you haven't, but have been through all you believe the temple has to offer.  You're pretty sure, according to what's taught at church, that you're aaaalmost celestial material.  If you've been married in the temple, you're probably pretty confident that you have hit all the benchmarks required of you, and now the only task at hand is to endure to the end, faithful.

(This was a pic I took several months ago, when my nephew went through the temple for the first time before his mission.  He was going to receive his "endowment", or gift.  Sun just before noonday, when he was to arrive.)

What does enduring to the end mean?  It likely means you go to the next stage of life, whether that means to get married, or to do so in the temple.  After that, you listen to the Spirit and have babies, whom you rear in righteous, and then they too go to the temple and repeat the process.  This is how we endure to the end, right?  We don't flub up, commit adultery, start using drugs, and most certainly keep the Word of Wisdom.  We sustain our leaders and magnify our callings.  We endure and grow in patience and virtue and inevitably are pretty much surely considered celestial material.  Add in becoming Bishop or Stake President, and if we're lucky we might even make it to become a General Authority.  Or shake their hand. ;) 

My friend and I used to make up mottos at girl's camp, and one that stuck for a very long time was that we were going to make it in the Celestial Kingdom.  Yes, we were going to the CK.

If someone would have told me that my interpretation was incorrect, I would've told them they were insane.  

So what if someone told you your interpretation was highly incorrect?  What if you learned, despite your emotional confirmation that you're a pretty good, righteous person, that your expectation is incorrect?  What if you meet God when leaving this life, and have quite the shocker brought to your attention that while you thought it was you who was making it to the CK and everyone else was unfortunately not accepted (because of course they weren't baptized and part of his One True Church), it was actually not the case?  What would you do?  Would you be shaking in your boots, wondering why you deserved to be taken and swindled in this manner?  Deceived?  

If it were me, I would be crying, sobbing actually, asking God why he didn't correct me along the way.  

What does it mean in Philippians 2:12, to "work out your salvation with fear and trembling"?  Why would Paul say this to the Philippians, if they had already become part of Christ's church?  

In D&C 76, I got a crazy wake-up call the other week.  I mercifully learned more recently to wrestling the scriptures to mean something everyone else would tell me, and began interpreting them for myself, as they stand.  When I actually read D&C 76 according to the words on the page, I was blown away.  In this section, the qualities of those who inherit this Celestial glory are set forth, specifically in vs. 50-70.  I'm going to list the qualities out in bullet form, because I do really well with lists.  Here is my interpretation.  Feel free to take it or leave it, but it's pretty much largely copied directly from D&C 76.  Those that are "Celestial" are as follows:  

• They come forth in the resurrection of the just.
• They received the testimony of Jesus - meaning Jesus appearing and testifying of himself.  (This is explained later in vs. 74, when the Telestial are explained, yet the understanding is largely ignored in mainstream Mormonism.  Sorry if this hurts, but it's true.)
• They believed on his name.  
• They were baptized after the manner of his burial, being buried in the water in his name, according to the commandment (3 Nephi 11:25) which he has given.  {We don't do it this way anymore, but have changed the words ever so slightly.  In Revelations Book 1, where the original copy of the first revelations is recorded, in the area where the baptismal prayer is instructed, it reads "calling them by name having authority given me of Jesus Christ I baptize thee in the name of Jesus Christ the Father & of the Son & of the Holy Ghost amen."  It says the same words in 3 Nephi ("having authority given me of Jesus Christ"), however someone, somewhere changed the word "authority" to "commissioned".  So we say "having been commissioned of Jesus Christ", rather than "having authority..."  In Isaiah 24:5, it is prophesied that when we change the ordinances (of which baptism is a crucial one), we have broken the covenant.  It reads, "The earth also is defiled under the inhabitants thereof; because they have transgressed the laws, changed the ordinance, broken the everlasting covenant.  Therefore hath the curse devoured the earth..." (Isaiah 24:5-6).  Is changing the words of a covenant ordinance, in fact, changing the ordinance?}  
• They kept the commandments (see Isaiah 24:5 once again) and were washed and cleansed from all their sins.
• They received the Holy Spirit by the laying on of the hands of him who is ordained and SEALED unto this power.
• They overcame (what? the world?) by faith.  Interesting that the Sons of Perdition were also overcome, but by Satan (vs.30).
• They were sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise (which the Father sheds forth upon all those who are both just and also true).
• They are they who are the church of the Firstborn.
• They are they into whose hands the Father has given all things.  (What in the world does this mean?)
• They are they who are truly priests and kings.
• They are they who have received of his (the Father's) fulness.
• They are they who have received of his (the Father's) glory.  Not just the glory of man, or of the church, or of the "Priesthood" as we know it commonly.  I believe this is something magnificent, that we cannot even fathom in our limited estates, unless we receive it truly.  

Whoa Nelly!  This is only a third of the list of what we know regarding these people who are celestial.  Before I go on, one insight I have gained from this is that the Celestial truly is in glory like the sun.  It is one giant fireball of Glory.  Hot, bright, lighting the entire solar system and then some.  Going on.

• These are priests of the Most High.
• These are after the order (pattern, system, organization) of Melchizedek, which was after the order of Enoch, which was after the order of the Only Begotten Son.  {Both terms are special names, in and of themselves to be pondered.  This verse alone could likely be expounded greatly by someone who truly understood the mystery and vastness of what is the Priesthood, and what are these special names.  I am not one who yet understands completely enough to begin to expound.  I think Denver Snuffer offered an eye opening talk on the Priesthood which is best read in context of his other writings, but is definitely worth studying.  This link is to the 5th talk in a series of 10, which is best understood after reading his books, in my opinion.  Reading it out of context can dam up one's progression.  But it is worth studying, as I believe he's on to something.}   
• They are gods!  GODS!  (This reminds me of Annalee Skarin's book, "Ye Are Gods".)  
• They are even the "Sons of God".  What does this verse mean for those of us who say everyone is a child of God?  Are we calling ourselves something that we have not yet achieved?  Or are we already children of God?  Is this a false tradition?  It makes me feel good to sing "I Am a Child of God", but I wonder, having read this now, if there is so much more here I don't understand.  
• All things are theirs, whether in life of death, or things present or future.  They are all theirs, and they are Christ's, and Christ is God's.
• They shall overcome all things.
• They glory in God, who shall subdue all enemies under his feet, rather than in man.
• They shall dwell in the presence of God and his Christ forever and ever.
• They shall be brought with Christ when he shall come in the clouds of heaven to reign on the earth over his people.  (How are these people different – those of his whom he reigns over, vs. those he brings with him?)
• They (again) shall be part of the first resurrection, which (we presume) is also the resurrection of the just.  
• They come unto Mount Zion, unto the city of the living God, the heavenly place, the holiest of all.

Regarding this last point, have any of us who claim to be CK material experienced being brought to Mount Zion?  The "City of the Living God"?  Has anyone reading this experienced what it's like to be in this holiest of all cities and places?  I do not imagine the Celestial Room in the temple counts, as pretty as it is, but I could be wrong.  

• They have come to an innumerable company of angels, to the general assembly and Church of Enoch, and of the Firstborn.  At my daughter's baptism last April, the bishop mentioned something about how "Now [she] had joined the Church of the Firstborn."  I think that is a misunderstanding of the term.  Unless attending church each Sunday means she is joining an innumerable company of angels/general assembly and CoE/CoF.  I think the Church of the Firstborn is quite different than many of us believe.  Again. :)   
• Their names are written in heaven, where God and Christ are the judge of all.
• They are just men made perfect through Jesus the mediator of the New Covenant, who wrought out this Perfect Atonement through the shedding of his own blood.  Interesting how here it is said that he shed his own blood.  
• And finally, 

These are they whose bodies are celestial, whose glory is that of the sun, even the glory of God, the highest of all, whose glory the sun of the firmament is written of as being typical.  

I don't know about you, but I'm certainly not there yet.  And I wonder what it will yet take for me to get there.  Each one of these points could easily be dug into and discussed for quite a bit of time.  I'm not an expert and don't know what it all means, but I have come to the conclusion that I must certainly refocus, and work out my salvation with fear and trembling before God.

"O then ye unbelieving, turn ye unto the Lord; cry mightily unto the Father in the name of Jesus, that perhaps ye may be found spotless, pure, fair, and white, having been cleansed by the blood of the Lamb, at that great and last day."  (Mormon 9:27)