Sabbath Day Playdates

"Gather it six days, but on the seventh day, which is the Sabbath, there is none. "  And it came to be that some of the people went out on the seventh day to gather, but they found none.  And YHWH said to Mosheh, 'How long shall you refuse to guard My commands and My Torot?  See, because YHWH has given you the Sabbath, therefore He is giving you bread for two days on the sixth day.  Let each one stay in his place, do not let anyone go out of his place on the seventh day.'  So the people rested on the seventh day. - Exodous 16:26-30 

The New Year is upon us and this year I've been quite reflective of Sabbath Day activities.  Our local leaders have fallen suit in encouraging us to keep the Sabbath Day holy, per the recommendations and encouragement from the First Presidency.  All good things, right?

Several years ago, we had lived in Utah, and as taught and encouraged then too, we sought to spend the Sabbath together as a family.  This translated in my brain to mean that "friend" activities would be excluded, although home teaching/visiting teaching was questionable.  Depending on the ward or how they remembered (or forgot) the First Presidency letter from years ago (encouraging us NOT to do this on Sunday), I may or may not feel it appropriate to allow my kids to play with their friends on Sunday.

(photo source)

Well in this ward, during this time, I felt it my duty to keep our family tightly knit together, alllll day.  I hoped we could read scriptures and watch church videos and all those wonderful things.  Except that in large measure, we didn't do these things, and my kids began to resent that I didn't let them play with their friends.  After all, what were we doing that was any different than any other day, with exception of not going shopping?

On more than one occasion, I declined a friend to play with my son.  At the time the main boys coming to play were dealing with things at home.  One did not have a father in the home.  Not my business, really.  The other two would come over and inevitably my son would end up with bumps and bruises, due to their fist fights or hill rolls or some other battles with Light Sabres or plastic swords.  I didn't appreciate them as much as I should have, and would send them home, saying we were doing things as a family that day.

Shortly after (or perhaps even during) this time, those latter two boys had their father leave their mother for another woman.  And the boys jointly got diagnosed with varying Autism spectrum disorders, making a lot of their behavior more understandable.  I was so judgmental.

Since moving out of that area, these boys have also wound up in the care of the state or other agencies.  I don't know all the details, but their mother (and my friend) frequently posts on Facebook, asking for prayers or help dealing with the hurt of her situation.  How she wishes the boys could come home to live with her.  How she longs to find a suitable husband (and father) for her boys, and she wishes that their own dad would pay them just the slightest bit of attention.  They just wanted love.

I look back on this period with quite a bit of regret.  At present, where we live, there are also boys with which my son can play, however at this point, the roles are reversed.  The parents of these new local boys are largely disinterested in having their sons play with mine.  My son is seen as a little more "rough" or in some ways, distasteful (thank you autocorrect for turning the word "fine" into "fag" in that text).

So now my son looks forward to seeing his friends at Church on Sunday.  Only the friends from Church are likewise ardent believers that to keep the Sabbath Day holy, they must retain their time together as a family, not sending their boys out on playdate trades.  I miss those years when I was a kid when my mom sent me to another family's home half an hour away, because they were good people she trusted me to be with.  And I look back on those years when I too wouldn't let my boy play on Sunday, and realize that the law of restoration is real.  What we give out is returned to us again, sometimes in this life and sometimes in the next.  But inevitably it is returned, in some way.

More than once have I wondered if those boys were coming to my home because they sensed something there beyond my son, perhaps something that they were longing for in their own home?  Or perhaps they just wanted to play, and a boy up the street = fun!  But I sent them away, in lieu of keeping the Sabbath holier than playing somehow allowed.

Repentance is a wonderful thing – I am thankful to the Lord that I have another day to seek His forgiveness, and theirs and their mother's, for my piousness and unrighteous judgment.  I wish I could do more.   

Rest from thy Labors

Dear Josten, 

Well, you're witnessing it live and in the flesh.  Your mom's experienced a quick case of burnout, and it only took about 5 weeks.  Today after church, I slept for about four hours.  It's been a rough week.  On top of it, Sundays are at very least not a morning of rest.  

We arise, shower, eat, dress in our best, gather books, bags, gadgets, and load into the car.  We drive to church, and you and your siblings wiggle through the sacrament.  If we let you play video games, you are calm.  If we don't, you are wiggly and need drinks, bathroom trips, and more.  

After sacrament meeting, we go to Primary.  We all go to Primary, except for Dad.  I go from wrangling four young kids between the ages of 3 and 10, to up to nine 3- and 4-year olds.  The other teacher and I are to help keep all 7-9 (usually it's just 7 that show up on any given week) reverent through Opening Exercises, Singing Time and Sharing Time.  If my calculations are right, this is asking a young child to sit still for about 2 hours and 10 minutes, minus the walk from the chapel to the Primary room.  I wouldn't take my child to a movie theater for a movie that long, cartoon or no.  Then we go to class, where we squish in the almost-largest of the classrooms (which is still only about 9' x 8' or so.  The class could be divided.  That would mean two more teachers would need to be called from an ever-growing list of adults who hang in the hall, since I would not want to be left alone with even 3-4 of the children.  You never know what needs will arise.  

9 And that thou mayest more fully keep thyself unspotted from the world, thou shalt go to the house of prayer and offer up thy sacraments upon my holy day;
10 For verily this is a day appointed unto you to rest from your labors, and to pay thy devotions unto the Most High;
11 Nevertheless thy vows shall be offered up in righteousness on all days and at all times;
12 But remember that on this, the Lord’s day, thou shalt offer thine oblations and thy sacraments unto the Most High, confessing thy sins unto thy brethren, and before the Lord.
13 And on this day thou shalt do none other thing, only let thy food be prepared with singleness of heart that thy fasting may be perfect, or, in other words, that thy joy may be full.
14 Verily, this is fasting and prayer, or in other words, rejoicing and prayer. (D.&.C. 59: 9-14)

Oblantions, defined on link above, describes "oblations" as "offerings, whether of time, talents, or means, in service of God and fellowman".  Google defines it as a thing presented or offered to God or a god.  I find the difference a little startling.  Oblations on lds.org appears to be more of sacrifice of time, talents, etc. in service.  Oblations on Google appears more strictly as an offering directly to God.  I know King Benjamin says when we are in the service of our fellow beings, we are only in the service of our God.  But this is not service.  This is oblations - an "offering".  How would church look like if we took this literally?  How would our Sabbath days play out?

Could you imagine going to church, offering oblations and sacraments, confessing our sins to our brethren, and resting from our labors?  What would it look like to publicly humble ourselves before our brethren, confessing out sins?  Would we be more apt to help one another through true struggles, rather than hiding them under blankets and rugs?

How would it look like if the bishopric got to sit with their families and multiple children, so the wives would be more inclined to rest, rather than struggle for reverence through talks and recitations of conference talks?  How about meetings before and after church?  How about three hours of meetings, period?  What if our worship looked more like worship than a funeral?

What about rejoicing and prayer?

What about vows being offered on all days?

What about fasting?  Should it be every Sunday?  Or just one?

I love going to church, don't get me wrong.  Sunday used to be my favorite day of the week before I had kids, and it still kind of is.  But now it has turned into a struggle, and I ponder why God would give these counsels to Joseph if He intended for us to struggle to maintain the image of quiet, seen and not heard children for three hours of what we call worship.  And in case anyone disagrees, why do we need to take our children out of the sacrament room when they're noisy?  Sure, it's not a rule.  But the fact that it is expected as a courtesy tells me that what we are doing is certainly worth considering, in relation to the commandment above.  It's not worship, it's really not.  How do we overcome what we have become?

I hope by the time you really get to read this that things have changed.  We shifted from a multi-meetings-a-week routing to this three hour block, and yet we still have mid-week meetings, for some of us multiple times a week.  I yearn for a day of more simplicity, truth, and wholeness in worship.

Love you,
~Mom<3