O God the Eternal Father I ask you in the name of your Son Jesus Christ to bless and sanctify this bread to my soul who partakes of it that I may eat in remembrance of the body of your Son and witness to you O God my Eternal Father that I am willing to take upon me the name of your Son and always remember Him and keep his commandments which He has given me that I may always have His Spirit to be with me Amen
Grapes:
O God, the Eternal Father I ask you in the name of your Son Jesus Christ to bless and sanctify this wine to my soul who drinks of it that I may do it in remembrance of the blood of your Son which was shed for me that I may witness to you O God my Eternal Father that I do always remember Him that I may have His Spirit to be with me Amen
Tonight I experienced an awakening moment, where a lot of things came together in blinding realization.
In the Book of Mormon we read about those who experienced the baptism of fire. They knew it not, because it happened so gradually upon them. My ah-ha moment came in considering the nature of the covenant of baptism (or rebaptism), and wondering to what degree my soul has been baptized.
When we are baptized, we make a visual expression of our acceptance of Jesus, our commitment to him, and our desire to have our sins cleansed and remitted.
Following (re)baptisms in the Book of Mormon (3 Nephi 11), immediately Jesus teaches the saints how to participate in the emblems of his body and blood. With all of this there is to be no disagreement nor contention. In the prayer we illustrate to God that we seek and commit to eat and drink these emblems to "always remember him". Always is a big deal. It sounds to me like a pretty serious commitment, especially if it's a COVENANT.
As I drove home tonight a song came on the radio that is quite an immoral song. While I try not to be too judgmental, this song glorifies rape and defilation of chastity. I listened to the catchy tune, the swinging and volleying of pitch. I remembered seeing a favorite comedian of mine sing this same song with his entertaining band. Then I remembered an awards show where the band (not the comedian, but the original group) was included in raunchy demonstrations before the crowd, which I can only assume the participants were deluded, drugged, or possessed to do with their bodies what they were doing publicly. As my mind started getting disgusted that I'm still listening to this song, almost as if he read my mind, my son turned the channel. Thank you Jesus.
Why did this song turn me off? Over the last year I hardly have ever been able to listen to it. In fact, I can hardly listen to any pop music any longer, for many, many months. Why?
My ah-ha was realizing I have been reborn. I have been cleansed by the blood of the Lamb. I have been redeemed, and can no longer tolerate drooping in sin. The degradation of women, the glorification of sex, drugs, and defiling of anything that is good is no longer tolerable, even for a few moments.
Not that I want or seek to judge those who do. And not that I did anything of my own merit or righteousness. But my spirit, my body, and everything pertaining to it has been changed, that it can't withstand these things before feeling like a dog turning to its vomit. It is repulsive. Intolerable. Insufferable.
There is no more tolerance for my personal willful, or blind participation in sin. I have committed to always remember Him, and choose out of the nonsense. I can't just zone out and ignore it like I used to.
For this reason I have not been able to peacefully attend church while honoring my conscience. I have been incapable of acting like I am ok with settling for the doctrine to be defiled. It's not that I don't want to see my friends, or associate with those I love. It's that I cannot do it in that venue. It would be breaking the covenant and I can't do it anymore, despite missing those loved ones. Only should the Lord direct could I begin again to do so.
Further, I have not been able to pretend that the small things don't matter. They do. Where much is given much is required. Many are called but few are chosen. How does one be chosen?
So what to do now? I wait upon the Lord for further light and knowledge. I hope that by abiding this commitment He will bestow upon me, my family, and those who are wondering what in the world I am doing, great blessings.
Like Inigo Montoya says in The Princess Bride, "I am waiting for you Vizzini!" "I am waiting for you Jesus!" Only Vizzini was dead by then, and Jesus is risen, so I can have much more confidence than Inigo had.
Sometimes I read scriptures uber slow. It helps to catch the meaning of various things I would often overlook through speed. And other times I read them especially fast. Sometimes it's just because I'm in a rush, but other times I get a bigger picture of what's going on.
Last week I was preparing for my Primary lesson on the Sacrament. I was to read 3 Nephi 18: 1-11. I read it fast, and then kept reading. I was BLOWN away by what was revealed. I challenge the reader to pull out their copy and read 3 Nephi 18-20. I find that when I read without any preconceived notions, and believe what it read, I make new discoveries. So as you read, please let go of your traditions! Allow the words on the page to speak for themselves. Don't superimpose your long-held beliefs, to shift and twist and contort the meaning into something that fits into your current paradigm! This is how to discover countless treasures on the pages. And these chapters are LOADED.
Some highlights of Chapter 18:
vs. 1 Jesus commands the disciples to bring bread and wine. WINE! Not water. Water is great for many other references, but this is wine. Why? How many references do we have for wine in the scriptures? So many! And it is SO symbolic. How? It is bitter. It is red. It looks like blood. It comes from a vine (more and more references), attached to a branch, with roots. It ferments. It takes time and skill to make (translate: patience, mastery). This is not your basic, "Oh, the water wasn't clean enough to drink back then so they used wine like we use water." Lame! Wine represented something more than just a drink available. That's called dumbing down truth. Don't believe me? Why not? Is your tradition stronger than scripture? (If you think I'm being harsh here, and don't know why I am in such favor of using wine when our leaders insist we should not, please consider this piece on how we got here. I do not believe it was revelation. Please don't be offended if my opinion differs from yours until you study it in full.)
vs. 2 Jesus commands the multitude (or crowd, congregation, ward, stake, etc) to SIT upon the EARTH. Does this mean they didn't have chairs? What about a log? Was there significance in sitting on the earth? Does it represent humility? Is there a difference between kneeling and sitting? In this instance, it says to sit. (I recognize there are other points where kneel is used.)
vs. 3-4 Jesus breaks and blesses the bread, gives to the disciples, commands them to eat. They are filled. Not starving still. Not just held over until they can go dine on cheese and meat. But they're filled. They are then commanded to give it to everyone else present.
I feel like there is so much in these verses! One thing I don't want to overlook sharing is in verse 7.
Jesus tells them that it will be a testimony unto the father when we eat of this bread, that we do ALWAYS remember Christ. Eat, remember, eat, remember. AND IF you remember, you will have his Spirit. What does that mean?
I used to always think this was talking about the Holy Ghost. If you eat and remember, you'll have the Holy Ghost. Well duh! Right?
But for the first time this had new meaning to me. I'd like to share.
When we die, what happens to our spirits? Do they remain individual? Unique? Do they rise up to meet our Creator? Or do they remain with our bodies, tormented and lifeless underground? Or do they just get aggregated to some massive "Holy Spirit"? I believe they rise up, according to Alma, and we also retain our individuality as intelligences, while still progressing towards that "one-ness". I could be wrong, but that's my understanding right now.
What happened to Christ's spirit when he was killed? He rose up, did he not? Do we believe he taught and ministered during those 3 days? Yes, most of us do. When his body was resurrected, well, we say his spirit joined his body, but to be honest I really can't say exactly what happened. But we say his spirit and body reunited. Something special must have happened to his body to change it into an immortal one of flesh and bones.
Well let's reconsider the elements of a spirit being. I believe my spirit inhabits my body, but it is also fluid. I believe my spirit is part of my aura. Lots of Christians believe this is hokey talk, but I think we're just using different words for the same thing. So if my spirit is fluid, and extends beyond my body, I believe that like water, it is not a solid. It is finer matter, and can be interrupted in order for our bodies to become closer. This is how we feel someone behind us without seeing them. "Surprise!" is the word that usually follows.
Let's think of this spirit temporarily as play doh. Let's imagine we can break off a part of our spirit, leaving the bulk of our play doh inside our bodies. Taking a piece off doesn't mean I don't have spirit left in my body, allowing it to function, but now I have a part of my play doh spirit in my hand, and I'll give it to my daughter. So she has a part of my spirit to go with her, so she knows she's loved. By carrying it with her to school, she has something tangible to remember me by. It looks like me. It feels like me. It is part of me.
In essence, believe it or not, we do this all the time. Most of us can't see our spirits, but some folks can. We attach to people. We form bonds, and connect with them through cords, thoughts, and other means. If you don't believe this is true, I'd dare you to find an energy worker and have them teach you to "cut cords" of negative bonds and see how literal the release feels. It is truth.
So back to Jesus. When we eat the bread, and testify in that moment that we are remembering Christ, the return side of the commitment is that we will always have HIS spirit to be with us. His. Not the Holy Ghost. But Jesus' spirit. Does that make a difference in how you receive him?
The first time I saw this video I thought it was mocking Christians, but after perceiving what this verse really means, this was the first thing I think of. Having Jesus' spirit to be with us is just like this video. He is ALWAYS there when we remember him. Like a chunk of play doh, but better. So much better.
So imagine having Him by your side when you're feeling like you're doing dishes for the 2 millionth time, and no one is helping. Or when the kids destroy the living room, AGAIN. Or when you just don't have time to be the perfect mom, dad, or son or daughter. He is there for you, instantly. Let him make you smile.
And his spirit is so much more powerful than our spirits. (I am not saying this is the only way to be one with God, but just one way to enjoy his presence. There are many, many other ways.) Think of all the good you or I could do (as well as all the harm). Now think of how lowly and nothing we are in comparison to Him. What a rich, RICH blessing we are afforded by the proper partaking of the sacrament.
So for the flip side, what would it do to your life, to partake of a sacrament the way our Lord instructed us? Even commanded, as he did to the disciples? Why do we disobey in the name of tradition? We are doing this 50% wrong! what if we subbed in KitKats for the bread? Would it still feel as rich as the meaning of bread being used? (No, really.) We are breaking one of the richest, most beautiful commandments in the name of tradition. Let's stop ignoring His commandments. It is time to repent.
I thank my God above for showing me this one, tiny revelation in a new way to look at this verse. I wish I were more diligent in reading and studying the scriptures. I know they would be unfolded if only I really took the time to care. I have so, so much work to do it's not even funny. Hopefully Jesus will bear with me.
I remember when I was a child, sitting in Sacrament Meeting. We worshiped in another church's building, rented by our ward, because we were not large enough in size to have our own building. I remember kneeling in between the pews, sitting on the floor with my sister, playing dolls or coloring or something.
There was one Sunday that keeps sticking in my memory, where I asked my mom, "Why don't we kneel to say the prayers?" She answered that it was ok for me to kneel. But she didn't kneel, and I never understood why. I just presumed it was ... just an arbitrary rule? I don't know. But I didn't think too much of it or make any waves.
In the last few years, I've had lots of questions called to mind, in the sense that there were many that I just "presumed" (there's that word again) had no answers. We hear this from investigators, who presumed there were not answers to their questions given by their preachers, so they just roll with the status quo.
The difference for me now is that there are some people suggesting that it is ok to ask questions. For one, James 1:5 directs us to ask of God, who giveth liberally, and upbraideth not. Joseph Smith repeats this test, putting it in action and illustrating that it works. As missionaries we teach this to investigators - it is one of the first things we encourage. But it seems to stop upon entering the waters of baptism. If there are questions about why we do something, the answers typically are found in the Church Handbook of Instructions.
In returning to the question I asked my mother, "Why don't we kneel to say the prayers?" After all, this was how we prayed nightly at home. But in church we sit in our seats, unmoved.
The Church handbook describes that those blessing the sacrament kneel. It is a solemn occasion. But what about the rest of us? Is there a scriptural precedent?
When I began my scripture study this morning, I asked, "Where should I study?" The answer came to me: "Moroni 4:10". Ok. But there is no Moroni 4:10! When I opened the page, my eyes landed on Moroni 4:2, which reads this:
And they did kneel down with the church, and pray to the Father in the name of Christ, saying:
Ok. So the Nephites blessing the bread knelt down, and it appears that the church members were kneeling too, as those blessing the bread did "kneel down with" (emphasis added). So what about the modern day church? D&C 20:76 reads:
And the elder or priest shall administer it; and after this manner shall he administer it—he shall kneelwiththe church and call upon the Father in solemn prayer, saying:
It appears that the wording is the same in both Moroni's time and Joseph Smith's. So when did the change occur? When did we stop kneeling for the blessing of the holy sacrament, and why? A few thoughts.
Maybe it was for the breastfeeding moms, who didn't want to disturb their babies to kneel up and down.
Maybe it was for the elderly. Surely their knees hurt. I know my parents struggle to sit and stand, not to mention kneeling down.
Maybe it was noisy and disheveling?
Maybe it was impractical, when there might have been mud on the ground, before buildings were made?
Maybe it soiled the women's dresses and the men's tailored pants, causing more work for the women to get dirt out of the clothes?
Does this matter? Would it make the sacrament more spiritual if we knelt? Some would say not. I would say there is definitely a powerful element added to prayer when I have experienced it in a group of leaders praying together on their knees. There is added humility. After all, who else do you kneel to?
Follow-up question - what would it hurt to begin kneeling for the sacramental prayers? Would it be disruptive? Considered inappropriate? If so, why? Would it be against the Handbook of Instructions? If so, where and why? Who is stopping us from enhancing the power of this sacred ordinance?
Well, you're witnessing it live and in the flesh. Your mom's experienced a quick case of burnout, and it only took about 5 weeks. Today after church, I slept for about four hours. It's been a rough week. On top of it, Sundays are at very least not a morning of rest.
We arise, shower, eat, dress in our best, gather books, bags, gadgets, and load into the car. We drive to church, and you and your siblings wiggle through the sacrament. If we let you play video games, you are calm. If we don't, you are wiggly and need drinks, bathroom trips, and more.
After sacrament meeting, we go to Primary. We all go to Primary, except for Dad. I go from wrangling four young kids between the ages of 3 and 10, to up to nine 3- and 4-year olds. The other teacher and I are to help keep all 7-9 (usually it's just 7 that show up on any given week) reverent through Opening Exercises, Singing Time and Sharing Time. If my calculations are right, this is asking a young child to sit still for about 2 hours and 10 minutes, minus the walk from the chapel to the Primary room. I wouldn't take my child to a movie theater for a movie that long, cartoon or no. Then we go to class, where we squish in the almost-largest of the classrooms (which is still only about 9' x 8' or so. The class could be divided. That would mean two more teachers would need to be called from an ever-growing list of adults who hang in the hall, since I would not want to be left alone with even 3-4 of the children. You never know what needs will arise.
9 And that thou mayest more fully keep thyself unspotted from the world, thou shalt go to the house of prayer and offer up thy sacraments upon my holy day; 10 For verily this is a day appointed unto you to rest from your labors, and to pay thy devotions unto the Most High; 11 Nevertheless thy vows shall be offered up in righteousness on all days and at all times; 12 But remember that on this, the Lord’s day, thou shalt offer thine oblations and thy sacraments unto the Most High, confessing thy sins unto thy brethren, and before the Lord. 13 And on this day thou shalt do none other thing, only let thy food be prepared with singleness of heart that thy fasting may be perfect, or, in other words, that thy joy may be full. 14 Verily, this is fasting and prayer, or in other words, rejoicing and prayer. (D.&.C. 59: 9-14)
Oblantions, defined on link above, describes "oblations" as "offerings, whether of time, talents, or means, in service of God and fellowman". Google defines it as a thing presented or offered to God or a god. I find the difference a little startling. Oblations on lds.org appears to be more of sacrifice of time, talents, etc. in service. Oblations on Google appears more strictly as an offering directly to God. I know King Benjamin says when we are in the service of our fellow beings, we are only in the service of our God. But this is not service. This is oblations - an "offering". How would church look like if we took this literally? How would our Sabbath days play out?
Could you imagine going to church, offering oblations and sacraments, confessing our sins to our brethren, and resting from our labors? What would it look like to publicly humble ourselves before our brethren, confessing out sins? Would we be more apt to help one another through true struggles, rather than hiding them under blankets and rugs?
How would it look like if the bishopric got to sit with their families and multiple children, so the wives would be more inclined to rest, rather than struggle for reverence through talks and recitations of conference talks? How about meetings before and after church? How about three hours of meetings, period? What if our worship looked more like worship than a funeral?
What about rejoicing and prayer?
What about vows being offered on all days?
What about fasting? Should it be every Sunday? Or just one?
I love going to church, don't get me wrong. Sunday used to be my favorite day of the week before I had kids, and it still kind of is. But now it has turned into a struggle, and I ponder why God would give these counsels to Joseph if He intended for us to struggle to maintain the image of quiet, seen and not heard children for three hours of what we call worship. And in case anyone disagrees, why do we need to take our children out of the sacrament room when they're noisy? Sure, it's not a rule. But the fact that it is expected as a courtesy tells me that what we are doing is certainly worth considering, in relation to the commandment above. It's not worship, it's really not. How do we overcome what we have become?
I hope by the time you really get to read this that things have changed. We shifted from a multi-meetings-a-week routing to this three hour block, and yet we still have mid-week meetings, for some of us multiple times a week. I yearn for a day of more simplicity, truth, and wholeness in worship.
And the serpent said unto the woman: Ye shall not surely die; (Moses 4:10)
This was the verse which came to mind this morning - Moses 4:10. So I go there, and I read it.
What does that verse mean? The serpent is referring to Satan; the woman referred to is Eve, mother of all living on this earth. Satan tells Eve she shall not surely die. But she surely did, although it took a couple hundred years.
Interesting that Satan presents himself as a serpent, or is described as a serpent. Jesus is also described as such, symbolically. This is represented when Moses held a serpent on a stick, and the children of Israel were told to look upon it and they would be saved from poisonous bites of fiery flying serpents (see 1 Ne. 17:41). Look upon a serpent, representing Christ, and be deceived by a serpent, representing Satan. It is interesting to note that in essence, Satan is telling Eve that he doesn't exist. Death, hell, and Satan himself don't exist. It does not matter what Eve does, what she eats, because there are no consequences. In essence.
I wonder how much that lie continues to be purported today. We always think of the "sinners" who are doing all sorts of catastrophic things. Murderers, those involved with whoredoms, drugs... Do we realize that one of the devil's greatest tools is telling us to think he does not exist? And if we believe that lie, what then? Do we think it doesn't matter how we treat one another? Do we think that understanding God's words don't matter? Do we twist God's words, like Satan does, to work according to our desires?
One interesting instance on this is the Word of Wisdom. God states in it that it is to be "sent greeting; not by commandment or constraint, but by revelation and the word of wisdom..." (D.& C. 89:2) We have twisted these words. I cannot find any place where it was revealed, "thus saith the Lord", that this is no longer simply a greeting. I cannot find where any living prophet declared this to be null and void. But now it is a required belief and adherence to this is required to partake of sacred ordinances.
In the Word of Wisdom, we are instructed to drink wine for the holy sacrament, and how to do so safely. We are an industrious people, yet we don't know how to follow the Lord's command in using it for our sacred ordinances. Wine-making was a major trade of early saints, and breweries were prolific in Utah in the late 1800's-early 1900s. Regardless, can you imagine what effect it might have, drinking red wine, representing the red blood of the Savior, during the holy ordinance? I know it "doesn't matter" what we drink - it could be kool-aid. But we're kind of lazy, aren't we? It doesn't matter to take the effort to make wine rather than water, to have a more exact replication of this, and because at some point along the way it was preferable or "revealed" that "water was ok", we no longer utilize this sacred symbolic tool, used limitlessly throughout the holy scriptures.
What makes me laugh is that in talking to the primary children the other day, asking about wine in the scriptures, one little boy exclaimed, "Wine is POISON!!!"
"The inasmuch as any man drinketh wine or strong drink among you, behold it is not good, neither meet in the sight of your Father..."
Yes, little man! Wine is not good! But wait.
"...only in assembling yourselves together to offer up your sacraments before him. And, behold, this should be wine, yea, pure wine of the grape of the vine, or your own make." (D.& C. 89: 5-6, emphasis added)
Well, we follow the counsel of our leaders, and we are never ever led astray. I would simply like to know when the Lord revealed through revelation that this is no longer his requirement for his holy ordinances, as when we change God's ordinances, we corrupt them.
Ahh well. There is no death, and the words of God do not matter to the great Tempter, and so they likely won't matter to those who believe that variety of serpent. I hope and pray that some day our living prophets will encourage us to believe the words God has revealed, as he is the same yesterday, today and forever. I am concerned, as when I make any effort to point out scripture to any latter-day saint, they only fall back on follow the prophet, and frankly, I find that verse no where in scripture. But for today, I will keep an ear out to discern which voice I am hearing when I am told there is no death.
This post was written by me a week or two ago. I hesitated to share it at the time, because I wanted to make sure I felt comfortable sharing after some time had passed. I hope in sharing, someone is helped along their path.
A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to partake of the sacrament. It was before my appendix decided to get all fussy. Due to the surgery, I missed two weeks of church, and when I returned last week, I arrived several minutes late. Walking into the church foyer, I assumed that I had missed the sacrament. Much to my joy, out walks the deacon with the sacrament trays, and I planned on partaking of it. He asked me, "Did you hear the prayer?" I said, "No." He then told me he was instructed not to allow me to partake of it if I missed the prayer. I was ticked.
So many things ran through my head. I felt like I was suddenly Catholic, and the whole ward got to see if I partook. My friend sat across from me in the foyer, and she was prohibited from partaking as well. I wondered if she was as annoyed as I was, but she seemed cool and collected.
After he walked away, I nearly cried. It had been weeks since I got to take the sacrament, and it's very special for me, regardless of whether or not I get to focus, hear the prayer, or juggle my kids. It has a grounding affect, and it centers me for the week. I don't know how, but perhaps that's part of the miracle of it. So hearing this sweet little deacon tell me he was told not to allow me to really threw me for a loop.
All sorts of crazy things flew through my head. Did the Priesthood leaders really instruct him not to allow me to partake? Was this some new rule that came through the Church in a letter that I just happened to not hear read over the pulpit? If I questioned my leadership, would I be considered apostate? Because if they did approve this change, I would certainly have some serious beef with the new policy.
Then I heard the conducting bishopric member say over the hall speakers, "Has everyone had a chance to partake of the sacrament?" NO!!! I didn't!!! I wanted to scream, but I knew storming into the chapel to make a scene would not get me far.
Luckily enough, after the meeting was over, this same member of the bishopric brought me some photos that were taken at a recent activity. After thanking him for the photos, I asked him if there was some new policy that the deacons were to ask me if I heard the prayer before taking the sacrament. He looked at me with bewilderment. He said, "No, absolutely not. What happened?" I explained to him the situation. He said, "Well I asked if everyone got a chance to partake of it." It dawned on me that him asking that abnormal question was for me.
He said he would straighten things out with the Priesthood and see what was going on. Yesterday, he caught me by the shoulders, gave me a hug and said that what had happened should have never happened. It brought tears to my eyes, because I knew it was true. More than that, I knew that my leaders were not ticked that I questioned what was going on. I had every right to do so, and they took no offense, as some may have. But the most important part was, I gained a second witness, beyond my own knowledge and surety that GOD knew that I wanted the sacrament, and He knew that I needed a witness that my leaders were in tune with HIM. This one, this instance, this day, was listening closely enough to the Spirit. I was the one that was being spoken to when he said, "Has everyone had a chance to partake of the sacrament?" Despite me not answering, God was telling me He was mindful of me.
I have so many questions about the sacrament, and I hope to have them answered. But one thing I know for certain. This is one ordinance that no deacon (who does not hold increased priesthood authority) has the authority to say that I am not permitted to partake.
